Today is a little easier, mostly because someone who probably doesn't want me to name him here smacked some sense into me. Thankyou, S. Again I'm listening to Jars of Clay, and listening to this bit in "Oh My God" made me laugh, its me.
Amen. I finally got to sleep around 4am last night, after chatting to the aforementioned friend and realising a few home truths, none of which were nice but all were true. And we fall down, and we get back up again. I have that quote by St John Climacus on the whiteboard that our former tenants put on the pantry/larder (you can walk in, it's awesome!) door -
Sometimes I can not forgive, and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear that keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.
"Do not be surprised that you fall every day; do not give up, but stand your ground courageously. And assuredly, the angel who guards you will honour your patience."I was driving with my dad in the country today, we have a place we like to go and eat at when he's home during the day, and we tend to chat along the way. I mentioned that last night's study had been on the Sermon on the Mount, holiness, fools for Christ and relics. Dad asked me if the Orthodox take was that the SotM was hyperbole, or what? I said it's a beautiful thing to strive to attain to. Just most of us fail. But that doesn't make it hyperbole, because there are people who live it. He commented that it sounded like an 'impossible possibility' (which is a good thing in my dad's language) and asked if it was connected with the above quote. Which totally made my day, because it's been there for months and noone's commented on it except my sister to say that I wrote weird things everywhere. I love that quote, its actually part of a longer section but there's only so much you can fit on a whiteboard! It's also my signature on one of my internet forums. I was told a while ago that I wasn't allowed to argue theology with my dad, so I keep things general. To not talk about what we studied in some way would be totally unnatural, so I just say things and avoid arguments, biting my tongue which is harder than words can say sometimes. And do stuff like writing quotes on the whiteboard, and showing the icons I plan to buy, and stuff.
Last night was fun, even though I ended up in a black mood when I got home. We had a bit of a chatter through it all, and when talking about fools for Christ (Saints who did crazy seeming things to cover their holiness, or to make a point, or both - its a calling, and RARE) Father informed us that we weren't allowed to go home and decide to be fools for Christ in the morning and throw rocks at the bishop. Someone was heard to murmer 'but that would be fun!' which produced giggles from the surrounding people at that section of the table. I love the stories of fools for Christ, and my sister's favourite Saint was/is one, St Maximos the Hut Burner. You can always tell when I've been sick for days, I make an effort when I get dressed to go somewhere. See?
You can't see in the photo, but I had my wonderful black beat up doc martens on, which I discovered are wonderful Church shoes because they support my ankles which makes it easier to stand. Who knew? I got home, took my coat off, and my sister (who despairs of my lack of fashion sense) squealed 'you are so CUTE! I want to keep you!' hence the photos got taken. Church clothes - please note I am wearing a *skirt* over my jeans (ok a dress) - my friend did the same last night as it was cold and we couldn't be bothered wearing a normal skirt and freezing our legs. I'm wearing a hat too - for one thing I need it in this weather for two it works instead of a scarf and is less dorky. Much as I like scarves...
I woke up a bit after 10 today after dozing for a couple hours - someone fed kitten red bull again or something and she decided to come bouncing in, bounce-thud on my legs, back and head then run away again, before repeating the process a few times. I think this is Koukla-speak for WAKE UP SILLY! I duly ignored her. I had to get up though, because my lesson yesterday had to be rescheduled. I got a 1:1 lesson with my teacher which was good - apparently I am more caught up than most of my class with the course work (YES!!) and my Mum is now allowed to supervise my timed essays and tests which she wasn't before (no immediate family) which makes life a lot easier since whenever I had to sit a test before I had to go to school with her which really knocked me around. And I might get to drop one or two of the outstanding timed essays and maybe one of the untimed, which would make life a LOT easier...we'll see. Now to get caught up with my studies of societies and all will be well :)
Lesson over, Dad and I drove out to get lunch, and sat in a park nearby to eat it, which was lovely, and then drove back to go down and pick up my sister to take her to the airport. Got there, all well...and she realised that her luggage was in the car my mum had taken to work. 40 minutes from where we were. ACK! Dad took the wheel then, and a few frantic phone calls later we got to where she works, grabbed the luggage, and drove as fast as legally possible to the airport. We made it in time, thankfully, saw her off (she's visiting a friend in Melbourne for the friend's 18th birthday and coming home Sunday), and drove home. The vigil is on tonight, but logistically it was just going to be bad, and I'm tired, and sick. Eventually I told Jeremy I'd stay home tonight and rest since we have the dance tomorrow night! So I get a quiet night in, which is fine.
I forgot to post this the other day - on the Stitch&Stash forum they run a 'UFO night' where you designate a piece fitting that description and work on it every Tuesday night (or whenever). Mine ended up being Wednesday, because I was a zombie Tuesday, and I got a lot done - here is QS A Restful Night after my work that day:
Froggy is appearing! I'd put this down in disgust in about April, because I'd gone cross country and my tension was a little off. I wasn't sure if I'd have to frog, so I figured better to put it down before I threatened to cut it up! So I picked it up, ironed it (it needed it) and put it on my tightest q-snaps, and it's being quite happy now. I'm working roughly the way I used to (before I deviated into cross country) but much faster - apparently I've got quicker, which is nice! 600+ stitches the other day, woohoo! She's still on the frame, I'd like to finish off this row before I put her down and go back to St Nicholas. Or else I'll just work on her until I get sick of her, which is what often happens with me and projects - I can't rotate on a system to save my life. If I pick up a project, it gets worked on for the forseeable future.
So now I am tired, and thinking of throwing some pasta in a pot and heating up a jar of mushroom and tomato pasta sauce for dinner. Mushroom+tomato pasta sauce is yummmy, one of my favourite Friday foods.
Glory to God for all things!