I'm exhausted, pushing myself too hard I think. It's only 11, but I'm thinking of going to bed. I'm just...tired. I feel old some nights, even though I'm not even 20. I don't want pity, but every now and then it does hit me what it means to have this.
Some nights I just drag a chair before the icons and sit there with the Psalms and the candle lit, just in peace. I can't get to Church, but I am reminded of the company of Heaven, and that I am not alone. That helps. When I'm too weak to stand long enough to say my prayers it's a bitter pill to swallow.
I sound down here. I'm not, not really. Just so very tired. This too will pass. I've found the Psalms to be a comfort, and I'm trying to get seriously back into reading them.
I had class today, and this time I 'attended' lying down in bed, which helped - I was more alert because I didn't have to fight to be 'up'. With the phone by my side on speakerphone and the whiteboard on my laptop, class was in session and I understood the work, I think. I have an assignment to work on now, and so I'll need to get into working on that soon. I'm starting to get used to having schoolwork again. I'd promised to make pastitsio tonight, but didn't start it until about 5 figuring that I'd get it done in time for dinner. Heh. I forgot that bechamel sauce takes standing there and only working on it, you can't try and cook meat and bechamel sauce at the same time. So that took a while...and then I found out we didn't have parmesan cheese even though Mum had assured me that we did...so she went and bought some...and I got all the 'elements' (pastitsio is like spag bol&lasagna crossed) finished - pasta, bechamel sauce, meatandtomato stuff... and it was 8:30...and it had to cook for an hour...
We bought pizza. I'm going to bake it tomorrow afternoon, and it'll be dinner tomorrow night! It's Wednesday, but I'm not well, so the red meat will do me good. I'm being good, to those eagle eyed people who tell me that if I stick to the Church fasts when I'm sick they'll hang me from the belltower by my ankles! Lent starts soon, that'll be interesting.
Making pastitsio was fun though. If I'm well enough tomorrow I plan to do some baking, we need a bikkie (cookie) binge in the next week or so before lent begins, and I aim to provide plenty to eat! I also want to give a bunch to Dmitri's Mum for feeding us the other night when we were at his house - we had galaktobouriko (think vanilla slice, greek style) and yiros/gyros, home made and wonderful.
I'm trying to be productive. I'm sick of despondency, you can only lie in bed and glare at the world for so long.
Oh yes. I started this post because I wanted to share a picture of Peaceful Paradise, which I've made quite a bit of progress on :)
It's harder to get good photos now, and also I was losing the light, but you get the idea. It's getting BIG! I've almost got all the way across in the border now, just the diagonal section to go (but I can't reach it where the frame is) and I'm happily filling in stars, the sky, the moon (that curved line is part of it) and lettering. There are some pretty ornaments among the text that I get to stitch soon too, which will be fun :)
I especially like the stars, they are fun to stitch, and the angel is awesome. It's nice to have lettering that isn't just plain old Psalm 22 (23 to all you non-Orthodox), it's fun.
Anyway, I'm knocking off. Goodnight all!